A Beginner's Guide to Bondage

With 50 Shades of Gray's meteoric rise in popularity and this oft-ridiculed article from Cosmo, I thought I would write a real introduction to the world of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism), one coming from someone in the lifestyle that stands a chance of being useful to actual people.

I already did a big rundown of various BDSM terminology and aspects here, (note: you should probably tackle that after you read this entry) but I fear that might turn off some of the more softcore individuals that are intimidated by even just the term 'Bondage,' let alone actual implements.  It can be difficult, with the wide world of BDSM, to figure out exactly where to start.  That's what this is for.

Right away I will make the disclaimer that I have not read the aforementioned novel, so I can't speak directly to the scenes in the book, but I do live in a BDSM-lifestyle relationship and have accumulated a lot of experience, so I will be speaking from that.

It's important to outline a few basic rules before we begin.  BDSM is meant to be safe, sane, and consensual.  That's actually the official mantra.  Everything starts from a place of safety and trust, and if one party is not into it, then neither party should be engaging in it.  However, a key aspect of bondage is in pushing limits, and trying things that are new or things that you never thought you'd try at a safe and deliberate pace can definitely be enjoyable.  The second is that you can approach BDSM however you want.  I think to a lot of people 'bondage' suggests whips, chains, and leather and while it can certainly be that, it definitely doesn't have to.

So...where do we begin?

I'll follow my rundown article, though from a beginner's perspective.  So I'll start with defining the aspects of BDSM.
Bondage generally refers to the restraint aspect.
Domination refers to the mental structure of the relationship, i.e. one party being in control and one party being submissive.
Sadism is the practice of inflicting pain or discomfort.  (Think spanking.)
Masochism is the practice of receiving pain (or inflicting it on oneself).

I find that a lot of people are already into one or more of the above in some form.  Maybe it's being held down, maybe you're always on top and in charge during sex, maybe you like to have your hair pulled or your ass slapped, all very light BDSM aspects to relationships that we tend to take for granted.  A great place to start in exploring BDSM is thinking about how you can enhance something you already know you enjoy.

Maybe instead of being held down, you let your partner tie you up.  Rope is great for that, but it can be time consuming and difficult.  Novelty handcuffs are quicker, but I think the safety release takes a lot of the fun out of things.  I'd recommend picking up some rope at your local hardware store (make sure it's something you know will be comfortable on your skin) or picking up a set of bedroom restraints.

Yes, it's me, yes it's self-tied.

The great (or damning) part about this is that it's more dependent on your creativity than on any sort of technical ability.  For every professionally made BDSM device, there is something you can find around your house that works much better.  No paddles for spanking?  Use your hand, or a belt, or a ping-pong paddle.  No nipple clamps?  Use clothespins.  No handcuffs?  Use zip-ties.  No leather collar and leash?  Dog collars and leashes work just as well.

The Domination/submission side is a little more difficult to define, but you've probably already made forays.  If you've played strip poker or truth or dare, you're there.  One party has an advantage over another, though granted it does tend to switch back and forth.  Domination and submission are more evident during sex, where someone is usually on top and doing more of the work, but still hidden in the background.

BDSM brings that feeling to the forefront.  Maybe one party has to strip for the other during sex, or someone has to obey orders for a day.  It can be even more fun if you introduce a bit of (benign) public play, perhaps having someone walk around with 'slut' or 'bitch' written on them beneath their clothes, or keep their hands in their pockets when walking around.

As you can no doubt infer, much of the lifestyle is dependent on creativity crossed with how far each person is willing to take things.  It can be as simple as tying someone up one night a week, or much more involved (as evidenced in my rundown post).  Just remember, safe, sane, consensual, if you're going to try something complicated (i.e. ropework) make sure you do your research.  The body is resilient, but fragile in certain spots.

Have fun.