The Transgender Community and The You Can Play Project

Early this morning (on West Coast time anyway), I had a brief conversation via Twitter with Patrick Burke, co-founder and President of the You Can Play Project dedicated to combating homophobia in sports.  The conversation began when Burke said that a part of the project has, and will continue to be focused on working with fans, i.e. to combat homophobia in sports arenas (and through that in sports fandom as a whole).

I then asked if it would be within the scope of You Can Play's mission to also work on behalf of the transgender community.  Transgender individuals often find themselves in a difficult situation in sports arenas.  Unisex bathrooms are few and far between, often full, and typically "supposed" to be used by families.  That leaves transgender individuals with the unenviable task of choosing between the restroom of their birth gender (which is what they are legally supposed to do in most states) or choosing between the gender they identify as, present as, or to put it more bluntly (and offensively), most resemble.  That conversation went as follows (I have adjusted some of the character-limit-driven poor grammar and abbreviations):

The Other Washington's Transgender Respect Ad Campaign

Washington DC's Office of Human Rights has recently unveiled a series of ads promoting respect for transgender individuals (which, it's kind of sad that such things are even necessary, but I digress).  The spot is set to feature several transgender members of the DC community with statements like "Some think I should dress more like a man," and pleas to show respect for transgender community members.

Girl or Boy?

As many of you know, one of the things we're railing against here is the 'gender binary,' the assertion that a person must be male or female without any middle ground. Lately society has come to find out just how narrow and inaccurate a way that is to classify people. I'll let one of my favorite artists, Dani Shay, take it away after the jump.

Clothing and the Gender Binary

I identify as male...barely.  Gender fluid might be a better descriptor, but for convenience's sake I pick one and, in line with my physiology, that one is male.  As you would expect, my tastes are anything but what you would stereotypically call male, especially with clothing.  However, I often find myself limited.

Transgendered Children - An Outsider's View

Recently one of the conservative nincompoops I follow on Twitter posted this article.  The "too long, did not read" version is this: a British couple is raising their child in a gender-neutral environment.  What that means is that they haven't disclosed the child's gender to friends and family and have encouraged the child to dress in whatever manner s/he chooses, whether that means jeans and a t-shirt or pink frilly dresses.

Is Transphobia Sometimes Guilty Appeasement?

I want to preface this by saying that I'm jumping into the realm of suppositions, a dangerous path, but one I want to explore.  Thus none of the following is any sort of universal truth, merely the impressions I get in observing different reactions to transgendered individuals.

Muddled Thoughts of Sex and Gender

As I've said before when I write about such things, this is probably a much better topic for my partner and his expertise.  However, as I've also said, I think that an outsider's view is important in the discussion.  It can help bridge the gap between straights/the cis-gendered and LGBT as a lot of the tension is predicated on fear and misunderstanding, not hate.

A Cis Take on Transgenderism

For the record, I consider myself to be moderately gender-fluid, but for all intents and purposes am cis-gendered.  Adam, being trans himself and going through the transitioning process can talk on this with more medical and emotional accuracy, but I think it's important to explore things from the perspective of someone who is not transgendered, because that's the perspective a majority of people will view it from.

My Coming Out Letter

This is the letter I emailed to my parents after getting some questions from them about why Facebook was using male pronouns on my profile. I had changed my gender but told Facebook to hide it, though it still changed my pronouns. I am posting this because I think I did a good job and want to share it with people.

Tennessee = Embarrassment

It's another sad story, one we've seen many times before; a Tennessee teen has killed himself because of anti-gay bullying.  Unfortunately this is not a unique case, but I want to highlight it because of the injustice that is going on in Tennessee right now.  There is a lot of it.

How I Became Known as Adam at Work

So I got a job at an on-campus food place last week and the hiring forms required me to put my legal sex (it actually said sex, not gender) and name. Since I haven't had my name or gender marker changed yet, I had to put down female and my birth name. My managers and co-workers had no idea about me being trans besides me presenting and in a work uniform of a t-shirt and baseball cap it's not all that obvious anyway. My name tag was printed for me, and it had my birth name on it. I finally mustered up the courage to peel off my birth name from the tag and print a sticker that said "Adam" instead for my name tag last Thursday after my shift. I didn't work again until yesterday and passed without any issues but my co-workers and managers still called me by my birth name and pronouns. My manager even called me "sister" and I cringed but it was in passing and I didn't have an opportunity to correct her.

Retro Post: Transgenderism and Gender Fluidity

Note: I've done a lot of relevant posts on my other blog before the creation of Rainbow Masochism, so from time to time I'm going to repost those entries.

I'd like to think I can say I haven't struggled with this topic because I have a pretty good sense of self, but that wouldn't be true, though I think I get more hung up on the terminology more than anything. Gender-fluid, gender-queer...both of these things fit me...and then they don't. I always had an inkling that a part of me was supposed to be female, but at my core I am probably just a male with some female sensibilities. What does that make me? I don't know. And I think that as we move forwards, my transgender identity is going to shrink because these things that I identify with are going to be applied to a specific gender less and less. So I'm left with something that not only doesn't fit, but also may not be long for this world.

LGBT – The Forgotten Half

Gay Marriage, Gay Rights, Gay Pride. There is a half of the LGBT acronym that more people are familiar with. It’s not necessarily intentional, the word ‘gay’ is so easy to say and fits so well with a variety of modifiers that it’s not surprising that it’s the most used of the four.

But there is truth in the assertion that we Transgendered and Bisexuals are largely forgotten. There are different reasons for that, I think. Transgenderism is so hard for many to understand because it is so lacking in a clear definition. We can pinpoint things such as Gender Identity Syndrome, Cross dressing, and transsexualism, but even these make up only a portion of the transgendered community. Not to mention the fact that being born with the physical characteristics of one gender, and the mental and emotional characteristics of another is something you can really only fully understand if you’re currently experiencing it. And there are people that don’t identify with either gender. It is confusing in its infinince.

Bisexuality is another matter entirely. I feel that a lot of people don’t take it seriously, mostly because it goes against our desire to categorize things. We as a society like to think in polar absolutes. You can be this, this, and this, but not that, that, and that, and certainly not some sort of thisthat blend...which is exactly what bisexuals are.

Like I said, I don’t think there is any intentional slight, I would just urge all members of the LGBT community and their allies to remember…we’re in this together.

Our Gender Insecurities

One of my biggest pet peeves in shopping for clothes, and really this goes both ways, is that in the men's department, if anything is even a slightly female shade, the designer felt they had to "manly it up" in some fashion.  I can't tell you how difficult it is to find a pink, purple, or yellow shirt tailored for men without it...

• actually being salmon, or some variant
• having pinstripes
• being a really dark "manly" shade of pink
• being mixed with another, "manlier" color

Walking through clothing stores is an exercise in futility.  Red, gray, navy blue, red, red, black, brown.  Where the hell is my royal blue, purple, pink, or yellow?

I'm not alone, women get it too.  Try shopping for sports team apparel for women without sifting through pink glitterfied jersey upon pink glitterfied hoodie.  It's as if designers think these superficial things will make people forget who or what we are.  I like sports, but I'm still girly, see, pink!  I like nontraditional colors, but I'm still manly, see, pinstripes!

I can't understand why we think we need an excuse to like some of the things we like, or at the very least, something mainstream within them that we can attach ourselves to.  Is there something wrong with guys going to see romantic comedies, and girls going to see action movies?  Because that's not what guys and girls do.  Because...uh...

You see the problem I, and many other people who consider themselves anything from atypical males and females to transgendered have.  Our society has "rules" that can seem so rigid at times, and yet are based on absolutely nothing at all.  And not everyone has the confidence to say fuck off to those that might look down on them and judge them for it.  Frustrating.

Duality and Androgyny

As I've said before, probably in virtually every post, what we find more and more is that we have these categories for sexuality in which almost no one fits.  The Kinsey Scale does a bit better in giving people some room in which to play, but it too is inadequate.

I'm a perfect example, even at twenty-five years of age, I can't really give any clear cut definition of what I am.  I'm bisexual, this I know having been with men and women sexually, but to what degree I'm unsure.  Sometimes it seems utterly impossible for me to carry on a romantic relationship with a male, and sometimes it doesn't seem so far fetched.  And the transgendered aspect I think I've covered in previous entries.

I think what attracts me most is androgyny.  Being born male and having female sensibilities, I like people who can celebrate both sides of themselves.  I found it interesting that bisexual Tila Tequila on her dating show A Shot at Love eventually whittled her crop of hopefuls down to the girliest guy, and the manliest girl.  Perhaps not the best part of pop culture to reference, but I think that's about where I'm at.  I tend to be attracted to either tomboyish girls, or feminine (physically) guys.

I've always been a blend of opposites, nerd and jock, artist and engineer, so I think that mix of male and female really appeals to me because there is so much of myself in it.  They say opposite attract, and while I don't agree in the strictest sense, I'm definitely drawn to my sexual opposite, a girl with male sensibilities.  It's a part of what makes my current relationship work and I don't think it's all that unique.  There are many sides to all of us.

Two Worlds

As I start to come out and transition, I find my social experiences to be split into two (mostly) separate groups. Most people (my family, co-workers and some of my friends) know me by my birth name, and use female pronouns when they refer to me. A select, different group of people know me as Adam and always use male pronouns when they refer to me. This group is very small, and right now pretty much confined to other LGBT folk but I am gradually expanding it. Crammed in between the two groups lies CV and my closest friend. CV mostly uses my birth name and female or neutral pronouns and my friend avoids using either name or pronouns for the most part.

I am not sure exactly how I feel about this. Some trans people are really offended if you refer to them by their birth name instead of their chosen name or use the wrong pronouns. Some don't care as much. Because I am so early in my transition, I don't really expect much from anyone as far as getting my pronouns right. I think when I am further along, like when I start T or get my name and gender marker legally changed, I'll be stricter about it but I don't correct people now. Most people in public get it right (at least as far as I know), and I'm more happy and surprised when they get it right than annoyed or upset when they get it wrong. I don't feel like I pass very well, because I haven't come up with any really good binding or packing solutions and alot of my clothes are still somewhat girl-cut though I tend to wear everything big.

It's probably weird, but I cringe inside whenever my parents refer to me as their "daughter" or use female pronouns even though they have absolutely no idea I'm trans. I think it's because I know that soon I will have to come out to them and that's going to be really hard on them. When CV calls me my birth name or uses female pronouns, I'm not really a fan, but I know it's new to him too and I don't really blame him. It doesn't upset me, and I don't find it disrespectful to my identity. He and my friend have known me for a while, and met me before I knew I was trans and I know there's going to be a transitional period for them as well. I'm just getting used to people knowing who I really am, as I hid it for such a long time, and it still feels awkward for m insist on male pronouns and Adam, even though that's what is most comfortable to me. I don't know if me being a submissive has anything to do with it, but I find it really hard to demand anything of anyone else.

I hope it gets easier as I transition and I expect it will especially once I have officially changed my name and gender marker. But for now, I'll just have to be content to live with two identities. Like some kind of inverse Hannah Montana.

Introduction: Adam

I'm going to be upfront: I've never contributed to a blog or had much practice writing like this. This will probably become more and more obvious the more I write, so bear with me.

My name is Adam. I'm a 21-year-old pre-everything (for now) trans boy going to school in western NY. I'm majoring in a computing field and I am a freelance web developer. I love animals, and I'm currently raising my puppy to participate in several different dog sports and to be a therapy dog.

Only recently, and with the support and feeling of safety and comfort I get from my partner, have I come out both to myself and a small group of friends. I haven't told my family, nor do I plan to for quite a while or until I make more concrete plans for transitioning. I participate in my college's trans support group and am starting counseling soon to discuss transitioning, among other things.

I'm excited to contribute to this blog both because I've never done it and because this is something I want to educate people about. I'll likely be posting a lot of personal experience entries from my childhood as well as from my possible impending transition. So I hope you enjoy, and feel free to ask me any questions.

When I Knew I Was Different

These stories begin, as they almost always do, at a very early age.  I think I was probably six or seven years old playing some sort of typical boy game with a friend of the family's son who was a year or two younger than me.  I don't much remember the specifics, other than that it was summer and we were shirtless, but I remember getting hard.  At least I think I remember that.