Christmas in the Closet

This is my first holiday season being out to myself, my friends and my brother. My parents, my sister and the rest of my family is seemingly oblivious to the fact I'm trans, despite me presenting all the time and constantly challenging them when they say something blatantly ignorant and bigoted especially related to trans people. I would think that they would start to wonder why I know so much about the transition process and trans issues in general, but they seem to ignore those little tells. Anyway, tonight we had our Christmas Eve dinner and the topic got turned to transgender people by my dad. In the resulting discussion, I learned that my family believes the following:

• Being transgender is "just a phase"
• Transgender people shouldn't be protected by law
• Transgender people (and other LGBT people) recruit impressionable children to "follow them down their path"
• No transgender person stays transitioned, they all eventually revert to their birth sex
• Being transgender didn't exist before the 1980's
• Transgender people, after having many surgeries, look like "monsters"
• Boys wearing girl clothes is wrong, girls wearing boy clothes is wrong
• Boys should play with boy toys, girls should play with girl toys
• People transition just to get attention

I challenged them. I explained to them why everything they were saying was wrong. I tried to educate them. But the bullshit just kept coming. I wanted to scream in their face that I was trans and that they should close their fucking mouths and open their eyes. I wanted to flip the dinner table over, and punch them in the face until their hatred stopped. And then, I just wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I can't believe I am related to people that are so ignorant and bigoted. I wanted to cry because they don't know I'm trans and because I feel like I can never tell them because of all the things they said tonight. I wanted to cry because of all the other closeted LGBT folks that are probably eating family dinner at home right now dealing with the same kind of thing.  

I want to come out to them more than ever now. Rip the bandaid off, get it over with. Sit back and watch the fallout. Start over. I think they will come around (they will have to, if they want to continue to have any kind of relationship with me). For now, all I can do is keep trying to prep them as much as possible by educating them about trans issues and hope they can look past their hate. It will get better.