It's pretty clear the direction we're taking this in early, the rainbow half of Rainbow Masochism, which is perfectly fine as far as I'm concerned. Gay rights need to be brought to the forefront, LGBT individuals need to be understood in a way that those in the BDSM lifestyle cannot approach.
But there is that part to myself and my partner, and I want to give it due attention. I'll spare you the specifics of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism) in general (hmm, I can feel another retro post coming on) and do what I can to outline our relationship.
I am the dominant in the relationship and she is the submissive. (For the record, I'm going to continue using both sets of pronouns with Abbi/Adam because I like to celebrate the duality that makes her special.) What this means is that I am in charge, and she is not. It's a little like having ultimate veto power. Generally I'm pretty laid back and have no need to micromanage my own life, let alone someone else's...but when I don't want her to do something, she doesn't do it. And when I want something, I get it.
Yes, the biggest arena in which this comes into play is in the bedroom. If I want a blowjob, I get a blowjob. If I want to fuck, we fuck. If I want to finish on her face, then I do. Our likes and dislikes are pretty in line so it's not exactly a difficult scenario. The instances when she's not in the mood for something are few, and she knows well enough to get in the mood because it's going to happen anyways.
Rope and being in charge are my bread and butter, so rough sex with me on top is a constant. Sometimes she's tied up, sometimes she's merely held down. I'm a sadist so we incorporate pain a lot from clothespins on the nipples, stomach, and tongue to flogging, spanking, and biting. One of my favorite romps involved her sitting backwards (Fonzie style) over a chair with her neck tied to the top of the back and her wrists tied to the seat. It was a pretty good height for me to shove my cock between her lips and get myself off by fucking her face and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.
It's not for everyone and I'm sure some people are weirded out at this point, but it works well for us.